Stuck in Melbourne

I'm having a blast hanging out in the airport...


NOT

will you marry me

i got distracted by wedding blogs and ended up looking at beautiful rings,
and i found this one, that i adore,

THURSDAY

I am so excited for Thursday,
I will be traveling for my first time to tasmania,
And also, for my first time, alone!
I am actually majorly scared about it,
But also super pumped!
Still have a bit of packing to do,
But everything has made its way through the washing machine this weekend,
So it is all clean :)

I just have 2 exams standing in my way!
But when they are done, I am good to go :D

the list

now,
a list of things you find when googling the word spacey

http://sentence.yourdictionary.com/spacey

http://spacey-lacy.blogspot.com/

http://www.redbubble.com/explore/spacey

http://www.coolestnickname.com/details.php/spacey

http://www.fastcodesign.com/1664392/virgin-galactic-typeface-for-sale

http://chadspacey.com/

http://www.johnspacey.com/

surfing the internet

it is my aim to have my blog appear in the top page on google, when you look up spacey,
but i am unsure of exaclty how to make this happen,
i am not very technologically savvy,
but out of interest i googled spacey and found this
DJ spacey space
guess he stole my name :P

my resolutions

so, i am actually doing really well with my resolutions this year, i think...
i have already acheived one of them,
i have successfully lost 20 kilos and kept it off!
i have also managed to save over $5000, although i cheated a little with that...
the other two we shall just have to see!

life of spacey: the first time

to those that follow my blog

i felt like a change in design,
so let me know what you think of it,
i ay change again in a week if this one doesn't feel right...

i kinda like the wood in the background though,
so it could be a keeper!
x

Today

I am in a surprisingly amazing mood today,
Which started when I was listening to music trying to sleep last night...
I am really not sure why I feel so great, but I am taking it anyway :)

So the plans for today are very dull,
I went to the gym with my sister this morning,
To two classes,
A core strength class and then a step class,
So I am pretty dead,
Scratch that,
I am massively dead!
But I WILL do some study and clean my room until it is spotless,
Which could take hours considering the state it is in now,
I will not take a pic of it,
Because it will horrify you all!

Movies

I went to the movies today with my sister dearest!
We went to see breaking dawn, or as my dad has termed in "breaking wind"
The end bit was crazy gory, and gross
But on the whole I guess the movie was alright...
I enjoyed the books,
But I must admit, the main actors are all very awkward throughout all of the movies,
And the latest installment was no different!
And don't ask me what team I'm on,
Cos I am not that lame,
I'm on team potter!
:D
Anyway,
Out to dinner for Indian tonight!
Loves it

i want

i have made a change

nothing exciting,
but i changed my computer background,
to this trippy droplet pic,
i found it and thought it was mega awesome!

3 down

I have completed three out of five of my exams,
Which is a nice feeling,
It is also very exciting that this time next week I will be in Tasmania :D

So my life is coming together for a bit,
Sort of,
Maybe
I am trying to,
I am still waiting for Charlie to text me and find out if our friendship has survived at all,
But I will text him next Wednesday if I haven't heard from him,
And if he doesn't reply,
I will just have a fantastic holiday and forget him!
Which should hopefully be not too hard,
Maybe I will meet a lovely lad on my tour?
Anyone know someone going on a top deck tour in Tasmania next week?
If yes, then give me a yelp,
Because I would love to hear about them!
I am very impressed with my one dedicated follower that replied to my call for comments,
If someone else wants to leave a comment, that would be fantastical!
I am seriously scared at the amount of traffic that my blog has been getting,
Most have been coming from stumbleupon,
Which is a pretty cool website,
So, I guess I have them to thank?
Not sure who thought my blog was cool enough to recommend,
But cool for you,
Anyway, I should do some more study!

an update

i think it is probably about time for me to give you all an update of my life,
aside from the depressing boys part...
i did promise to give regular updates about my resolutions,
but i have failed, so i will give you an update now and hope that i will be forgiven.
i have managed to lose 23 kilos since the middle of august,
so i am massively stoked :D

i still have a few kilos to lose before i can say i am at a happy weight,
but i am moving in the right direction!
my saving is also going well, but only because i sold my car...
so that boosted my bank account.
as for my grades, i am currently in the middle of exams,
and my blog updates are more frequent than ever,
what does that tell you!
haha, well, i think i have done reasonably well this semester.
hopefully!

lastly, i leave on my fantastic tasmanian adventure thursday next week, which is starting to freak me out.
i have never travelled on my own before,
and i am going to have to make some good friends fast!
freak out!
hopefully i can put my social butterfly wings on for the trip :)

x

A huge thank you

to my anonymous commenter(s)

I'm not sure if there is just one of you, of many,
But the last comment was truly amazing :)
I only wish I could know who you are!!!
Or at least how you found my blog?

I would love to get to know all of my readers!
So maybe, anyone reading this post can tell me a couple of details about themselves?
Doesn't have to be anything too personal,
Doesn't have to be your name, could just be what you like or dislike about my blog,
Or hobbies?
Just something so that I know you exist!!!

:)

For some reason

Today I have had 89 views on this website!
Yesterday I had 14,
Last month I had 114 in total,
So what on earth makes today so special?
Hopefully all of you new viewers are enjoying my page,
I hope you don't presume it is always depressing because of the last couple of posts...
I really don't want this page to become somewhere that is filled with all my negativety!
So tomorrow, or whenever I get back to it, I will post some loos for you all!
Just make sure you follow me :)

Part 2

I think I will call this part the Charlie saga
*the name has been changed for privacy reasons :P
But realistically any of you who know me will know who this guy is, and those of you who don't know me don't really care about his name...

Anyhow, I guess it all began back in year ten, when I first started outdoor Ed at school. That was when I first met him, and I guess there was some sort of initial attraction, and a little bit of flirting... And outdoor Ed camp included a lot more flirting and some tickling and non-sexual touching...
Then there was the year 11 dinner dance, when there was some snuggling, and we both pretty much realized we liked each other... Or I did anyway, I always presumed he did too?
There was a lot of dilly dallying around then, until my friend Sophie (same name as me :D) asked him straight out if he liked me, and told him I liked him.
Then there was a date, and more dates, and even more dates.
Pretty much just over 6 months of dates, but I always felt self conscious, because I am overly sensitive to what others think of me :S
And my friends thought he was a bit of a geek,
I also managed to break up with him once, but realized a day after what a mistake that was...
Then I went away to France with school, and he went with his family to Germany.
It was christmas eve, and after spending 3 weeks surrounded by my friends talking him down all of the time, and not seeing Charlie... It was a bad mix for me, and I forced him into breaking up with me.
And that is when he changed, he wasn't the kind caring boy that he had been, he was more protected, and not the emotionally vulnerable boy that he had been...
And I spent the next year hating him, as I stayed single and he charged through girl after girl...
Finally after graduation we became friends again, and as I became more and more distant from my school friends charlie became one of the only people I hung out with. And many times since graduation there have been random hook ups and sleep overs. But never ever sex. It's not that I haven't had sex, but I really don't all that often, in reality I have only done it a couple of times, but I have never slept with Charlie. There was also an occasion or so when he said he still liked me, but he ended up saying no.
Then he was in a relationship for over a year, while I was still single...
And when that ended he started hanging out with me.
This was back in April...
After a couple of movie nights we started hooking up again, except it didn't feel like a random hook up.
There was emotion there, and I wasn't making it all up in my head like I tend to do the majority of the time.
But he was off to Europe for 4 months or so, so I had accepted that nothing would come of it. 
And during those 4 months I went crazy, I tend to overthink everything ridiculously!
So when he came back we had a massively deep and meaningful conversation, where he explained that he did really like me, and he told me that he wished he could start a relationship, but he was going to be on deployment for CHOGM for the end of september until late October. And then in mid November he would be heading to Timor for a one year deployment. So now my brain was a bit more in order, but I wasn't looking forward to him leaving. And there were a couple more late nights, but still no sexing... Because as I said, it's not what I do!
And then, after all of our conversationalising, about emotions and the like, when he finished his deployment he still didn't call me, even though he had said he would. And I kept hearing stories about him sleeping with his ex, and that he was off to Melbourne to visit a girl he met on contiki in Europe..
So I got all confused again!
But then there was some texting, and I went over to his house last Thursday, which was the night before his birthday. After much snuggling and kissing we awoke to his birthday.
He told me that he was not being deployed anymore, but he never said anything about a relationship, so my brain got even more confused!
And then there was the text that screwed my brain.
Saying that he didn't want a relationship at all, and he thought I new this.
And I received this text just an hour before I was heading to his house for his birthday party. So I decided it would be the best idea ever if I got really really drunk...
And got rejected by Charlie... He flat our turned down any form of sexual interaction. Which made me really crazy.
And then the next day, was the awkward, I want you to leave me the fuck alone, from him.
And then he said that it had been a mistake to get close...
And hasn't said anything since then :S

And I have spent the last few days going insane, and rethinking everything that has happened.
The first thing that I don't understand is how you can like someone but not want to date them.
And secondly, why would you say you want a relationship and then not.
But I know this may not seem like much to the majority of people, but to me it really means a lot.
He was my first boyfriend, and that sticks with me, like it does with many people.
And lastly he was also pretty much my best friend, so in one day I managed to lose my best friend and the guy I like!

something to lighten the mood

Part 1 of however many it takes

My little ranting blog post

So, I said I would write about what has been happening to make me so upset.
And I will try, but I am not very good with vocalizing my emotions, and quite often I find that words don't convey my emotions the way I would wish!
And also, I am currently sitting on the train typing on my iPad, so getting emotional is not really an option...
I will give a little extra background knowledge to help people out, because my emotions don't necessarily make sense to strangers.
First point of order, who I am. I have lived a very sheltered life, this is true. I grew up in a very well off suburb, with a mum and dad who loved me to bits, but we're extremely overprotective! When I was two and a bit all of my wildest dreams came true when I was given a beautiful baby sister!
Through the years Tess has been my true best friend, even though the majority of times we have been at each others necks. She has my back with everything, and I can never truly repay her for all of the emotional support she has given me, without ever realising!
I started out at my local community kindergarten when I was 4, and continued there for preschool, I made some good friends, a few of which I still see on occasion. For year one I was placed at John XXIII, which is a catholic co-Ed school in mount Claremont, a rather rich suburb. I then spent 12 years at JTC, making a group of friends that was, while supportive, very restricting. I loved them to bits, but while I was at JTC I was also stuck, when you are with the same people for that long a time frame, you don't get the same chance to grow as a person. I took the same group of friends with me into high school, and with that I took the same set of problems.
My family has always been exceptionally sports orientated. As a tiny baby my mum used to take me to baby swimming classes, where she would hold me on the surface of the water and I would simply float. But my love affair with water has continued since then. I began serious swim training back in year 4, at uniswim, I would train 3 or 4 times a week, and even got started on some competitive racing. In year six I transferred to west coast swim club, to train with the top coaches in the state. I was always the fastest in my year at school, from primary school even into high school. I was named house captain in year 7, and led my house to win the swimming carnival. I was always a good swimmer, but I continued to swim just a smidgen above the qualifying times for nationals when I was 13, 14 and 15.
When I turned 16 I finally made the qualifying time, and ended up in the slowest of 13 heats for the 50 meter freestyle at Sydney Olympic swimming pool. From all of those girls, I managed to sprint past my previous PBs and come in 13th, which meant that I just missed out on making the finals.
But before this becomes a tale of my swimming times, I must also mention my rowing prowess.
In year 8 PE we were put through a series of tests run by the WA institute of sport, to determine future champions. After being told that I was the second fittest girl in western Australia i was assigned to rowing, one of only 10 young adults, and the youngest by 2 years. We began training, and less than a year later the remaining 5 of us were placed in the WAIS under 19s squad. By this stage I was the youngest by nearly 4 years!
I do love sport, and I couldn't imagine my life without it. But I did miss out on a lot of things that normal teenagers do. And it also led to extreme eating problems, which have fluctuated since then.
People say that exercise releases endorphins, so you would think that a girl doing 14 hour of swimming, 9 hours of rowing and 8 hours of land training each week would be ecstatic!!!
Unfortunately I never seemed to feel any of those little happy brain signals!
When I reached the ripe old age of 15 I was throwing up after every meal, in an attempt to be skinny. I was also slicing my wrists and popping panadol at an increasing rate. I don't know what would have happened if a concerned friend hadn't called my parents about my behaviour. I was taken to the doctor and forwarded on to a psychiatrist, which is where i spent at least 4 hours a week for years 10 and 11.
I was clinically diagnosed with depression, and managed to get my bulimia under control. But it wasn't until 2008, when I was 18, that I was placed on anti-depressants.
Even now, when I am 21, I still cope with stress, anger and sadness by throwing up. It is just something that comforts me, but I know it is bad.
I have some amazing friends to thank for getting me through the hard times, some don't even know that they were the one to stop me from taking that irreversible step over the edge.
I know I am blessed to have the life I do, but whether it is due to nature or nurture, I have been given this mental disease, and I will try and deal with it for the rest of my life!

I know I promised an explanation of my current situation, but I think a little background knowledge helps, and I am truly grateful to get this off my chest...
I will give more information soon
xx

thank you anonymous

i'm not sure who you are, but it is good to see that someone is reading my ramblings,
even the more depressingly upset ones!
i will be posting a ranting blog post later about what has been happening, and hopefully it will help brighten my mood,
unfortunately this has all happened right before my exams,
which sucks,
because my brain doesn't seem to be working at all,
i had an exam yesterday, and i am actually surprised that i managed to write anything down :S

my life is pretty shitty at the moment, and that is even ignoring the fact that i have exams starting tomorrow,
i just want to curl up into a ball and hide in a corner for a long long time,
possibly for the rest of my life...
but i have practised my act,
and by now i have it perfected!
so maybe people wont notice!

this song is pretty much me at the moment

my apologies

i have been a bad blogger this last month,
and it is unlikely to get much better for a bit,
because i have exams, and then i leave for my epic tasmanian adventure!
and i have some fun boy troubles to fix up,
which made me think of this fancy little pic