when I hide

feeling blue at the moment,
seriously blue,
as in bluer than I've felt in years,
and I don't really know why!
I seem to keep pushing people away, but I am so scared of being hurt, that I can't seem to open myself up enough to let anyone new in!
I want to be able to give myself for others, but is it too much to ask for a little bit in return?
and the biggest problem, the people I have pushed away, the people that have destroyed my trust in one way or another, are the people that I used to turn to when I couldn't turn anywhere else, when my life seemed to be heading to a cliff,
for once I want to have someone else make the effort,

I want to find someone that values me for me,
because I have finally started to love myself for me!
and the more I love myself, the more I realize that others are just using me

red hair

I now have red hair, but only for a few days, my grandma is coming over for dinner tomorrow, so brown hair for then but it will only me semi permanent!


- Posted from my iPad

starting a new

I am struggling a little, hopefully it will work, I have officially cut my awful charlie out of my life! it will be tough, but I think I might type out allot my hatred or what I want to say to him, on my blog! so look forward to the start of some whining! what am I talking about, the start, as of I haven't whined about it before!



oh, and p.s. to start my new beginning I have dyed my hair blondes-orangey-pinky!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

may all of your wishes be granted and may all of those with less have more,
or something similar :)
missing long lost family members today
but knowing that they would be proud of us all is making me smile!

pit of depression

trying to pull myself out of it,
considering going blonde for the new year!
which I'm sure will look strange,
but it will be new, and next year I will be new :)
hopefully,
*thinks positive*

be back soon

another lack of posts from me...

I am most apologetic, I honestly wish I had the time to sit and type you a proper post.
as it is, this post is being written in my allotted sleeping time!
but at this point in time I am considering writing as more important than sleep...
which probably isn't a good sign, but I find that the writing down of what is on my mind is therapeutic to an extent.
and I really need to clear my mind.
I don't know what it is, but my mind has just decided to send me into a spiraling plummet into the depths on my depression, and the only reason I can think of is my homecoming from holidays, which really isn't that emotional.
sure I loved Tasmania, I want to move there when I graduate, but it wasn't that emotional.
so then, why do I feel like my world is crumbling around me?
why do I feel so stuck and frozen?
and what can snap me out of it?
I just need these answers, preferably before the new year, so I can start fresh.
speaking of the new year, I am beginning to compile a list of resolutions to set for next year.
at the moment, topping the list is: 
- smile at the little things

because I feel that I am really failing at this right now.

I also have
- lose 10 kilos,
- achieve credits or higher in all subjects,

I want to add a couple more things to the list, but I can't think of what at the moment, no doubt I will come up with some by new years :)

I have also started making a bucket list, not because I am dying, or because I want to die, more because I really need something to look forward to at the moment. so far it is pretty small, but I will add things to the list, and remove things as I complete them.
- go to a traditional indian wedding,
- take a hot air balloon ride,
- see the northern lights,
- travel to tasmania, ***
- travel to new Zealand, ***
- buy and revive an old terrace house,
- taste truffles,
- cook a Christmas turkey solo,
- drive through a car wash,
- see missy higgins in concert,
- adopt a child,
- attend the Tasmanian food festival,
- visit the wizarding world of Harry Potter in Florida,
- swim the rotto swim,
- drive across Australia,

exam results

ok, so turns out I actually passed all of my units this semester :D



I am actually mega happy!!!

- Posted from my iPad

some pics from tassie

- Posted from my iPad

sorry

i have finally returned from my travels,
but i have not yet sorted out my photos enough to decide which to put on my blog,
hopefully i will have a full post for you within 24 hours,
because i do miss writing to you all,
but please be patient as i am attempting a full life reshuffle as well,
i will hopefully give details on this in my next post also!
miss you all!

Stuck in Melbourne

I'm having a blast hanging out in the airport...


NOT

will you marry me

i got distracted by wedding blogs and ended up looking at beautiful rings,
and i found this one, that i adore,

THURSDAY

I am so excited for Thursday,
I will be traveling for my first time to tasmania,
And also, for my first time, alone!
I am actually majorly scared about it,
But also super pumped!
Still have a bit of packing to do,
But everything has made its way through the washing machine this weekend,
So it is all clean :)

I just have 2 exams standing in my way!
But when they are done, I am good to go :D

the list

now,
a list of things you find when googling the word spacey

http://sentence.yourdictionary.com/spacey

http://spacey-lacy.blogspot.com/

http://www.redbubble.com/explore/spacey

http://www.coolestnickname.com/details.php/spacey

http://www.fastcodesign.com/1664392/virgin-galactic-typeface-for-sale

http://chadspacey.com/

http://www.johnspacey.com/

surfing the internet

it is my aim to have my blog appear in the top page on google, when you look up spacey,
but i am unsure of exaclty how to make this happen,
i am not very technologically savvy,
but out of interest i googled spacey and found this
DJ spacey space
guess he stole my name :P

Today

I am in a surprisingly amazing mood today,
Which started when I was listening to music trying to sleep last night...
I am really not sure why I feel so great, but I am taking it anyway :)

So the plans for today are very dull,
I went to the gym with my sister this morning,
To two classes,
A core strength class and then a step class,
So I am pretty dead,
Scratch that,
I am massively dead!
But I WILL do some study and clean my room until it is spotless,
Which could take hours considering the state it is in now,
I will not take a pic of it,
Because it will horrify you all!

Movies

I went to the movies today with my sister dearest!
We went to see breaking dawn, or as my dad has termed in "breaking wind"
The end bit was crazy gory, and gross
But on the whole I guess the movie was alright...
I enjoyed the books,
But I must admit, the main actors are all very awkward throughout all of the movies,
And the latest installment was no different!
And don't ask me what team I'm on,
Cos I am not that lame,
I'm on team potter!
:D
Anyway,
Out to dinner for Indian tonight!
Loves it

3 down

I have completed three out of five of my exams,
Which is a nice feeling,
It is also very exciting that this time next week I will be in Tasmania :D

So my life is coming together for a bit,
Sort of,
Maybe
I am trying to,
I am still waiting for Charlie to text me and find out if our friendship has survived at all,
But I will text him next Wednesday if I haven't heard from him,
And if he doesn't reply,
I will just have a fantastic holiday and forget him!
Which should hopefully be not too hard,
Maybe I will meet a lovely lad on my tour?
Anyone know someone going on a top deck tour in Tasmania next week?
If yes, then give me a yelp,
Because I would love to hear about them!
I am very impressed with my one dedicated follower that replied to my call for comments,
If someone else wants to leave a comment, that would be fantastical!
I am seriously scared at the amount of traffic that my blog has been getting,
Most have been coming from stumbleupon,
Which is a pretty cool website,
So, I guess I have them to thank?
Not sure who thought my blog was cool enough to recommend,
But cool for you,
Anyway, I should do some more study!

an update

i think it is probably about time for me to give you all an update of my life,
aside from the depressing boys part...
i did promise to give regular updates about my resolutions,
but i have failed, so i will give you an update now and hope that i will be forgiven.
i have managed to lose 23 kilos since the middle of august,
so i am massively stoked :D

i still have a few kilos to lose before i can say i am at a happy weight,
but i am moving in the right direction!
my saving is also going well, but only because i sold my car...
so that boosted my bank account.
as for my grades, i am currently in the middle of exams,
and my blog updates are more frequent than ever,
what does that tell you!
haha, well, i think i have done reasonably well this semester.
hopefully!

lastly, i leave on my fantastic tasmanian adventure thursday next week, which is starting to freak me out.
i have never travelled on my own before,
and i am going to have to make some good friends fast!
freak out!
hopefully i can put my social butterfly wings on for the trip :)

x

A huge thank you

to my anonymous commenter(s)

I'm not sure if there is just one of you, of many,
But the last comment was truly amazing :)
I only wish I could know who you are!!!
Or at least how you found my blog?

I would love to get to know all of my readers!
So maybe, anyone reading this post can tell me a couple of details about themselves?
Doesn't have to be anything too personal,
Doesn't have to be your name, could just be what you like or dislike about my blog,
Or hobbies?
Just something so that I know you exist!!!

:)

For some reason

Today I have had 89 views on this website!
Yesterday I had 14,
Last month I had 114 in total,
So what on earth makes today so special?
Hopefully all of you new viewers are enjoying my page,
I hope you don't presume it is always depressing because of the last couple of posts...
I really don't want this page to become somewhere that is filled with all my negativety!
So tomorrow, or whenever I get back to it, I will post some loos for you all!
Just make sure you follow me :)