when I hide

feeling blue at the moment,
seriously blue,
as in bluer than I've felt in years,
and I don't really know why!
I seem to keep pushing people away, but I am so scared of being hurt, that I can't seem to open myself up enough to let anyone new in!
I want to be able to give myself for others, but is it too much to ask for a little bit in return?
and the biggest problem, the people I have pushed away, the people that have destroyed my trust in one way or another, are the people that I used to turn to when I couldn't turn anywhere else, when my life seemed to be heading to a cliff,
for once I want to have someone else make the effort,

I want to find someone that values me for me,
because I have finally started to love myself for me!
and the more I love myself, the more I realize that others are just using me