another lack of posts from me...

I am most apologetic, I honestly wish I had the time to sit and type you a proper post.
as it is, this post is being written in my allotted sleeping time!
but at this point in time I am considering writing as more important than sleep...
which probably isn't a good sign, but I find that the writing down of what is on my mind is therapeutic to an extent.
and I really need to clear my mind.
I don't know what it is, but my mind has just decided to send me into a spiraling plummet into the depths on my depression, and the only reason I can think of is my homecoming from holidays, which really isn't that emotional.
sure I loved Tasmania, I want to move there when I graduate, but it wasn't that emotional.
so then, why do I feel like my world is crumbling around me?
why do I feel so stuck and frozen?
and what can snap me out of it?
I just need these answers, preferably before the new year, so I can start fresh.
speaking of the new year, I am beginning to compile a list of resolutions to set for next year.
at the moment, topping the list is: 
- smile at the little things

because I feel that I am really failing at this right now.

I also have
- lose 10 kilos,
- achieve credits or higher in all subjects,

I want to add a couple more things to the list, but I can't think of what at the moment, no doubt I will come up with some by new years :)

I have also started making a bucket list, not because I am dying, or because I want to die, more because I really need something to look forward to at the moment. so far it is pretty small, but I will add things to the list, and remove things as I complete them.
- go to a traditional indian wedding,
- take a hot air balloon ride,
- see the northern lights,
- travel to tasmania, ***
- travel to new Zealand, ***
- buy and revive an old terrace house,
- taste truffles,
- cook a Christmas turkey solo,
- drive through a car wash,
- see missy higgins in concert,
- adopt a child,
- attend the Tasmanian food festival,
- visit the wizarding world of Harry Potter in Florida,
- swim the rotto swim,
- drive across Australia,